The Realistic Dreamer's Outlet

( Surveyss )

My class list for SAGINAW! :]

Monday-
Science of Life
*LECTURE DAYS 8:00am - 9:20am
*LAB DAYS 9:30am - 11:20am
US History 1:00pm - 2:20pm

Tuesday-
English 8:30am - 9:50am

Wednesday-
Science of Life
*LECTURE 8:00am - 9:20am
US History 1:00pm - 2:20pm

Thursday-
English 8:30am - 9:50am
Musical Theatre 10:00am - 12:50pm

Friday-
LONG

Saturday-
WEEK

Sunday-
END

:)

Waking up to the sounds of birds snoring, I flapped wearily out of bed and donned my forest green polo and khaki capris for a four hour shift at English Gardens. It was easy- Nancy and I watered the green house, I put some coleus out in the lobby, we switched out some palms for dahlias in the display. I spent the majority of the time leaning against the florist counter talking to Krystal, one of my managers, and helping her with a silk arrangements. I processed a million bouquets and freshened up a basket planter. I talked to Krystal some more. Then the clock freed me at noon and I rushed home, jumped in the shower, and got pretty (but not pretty enough without heels on, according to my mother). "Why the rushed fuss?" you may ask.

Well, promptly at 1:30pm, the Lienings arrived in my driveway to wisk me away to a resort! Okay, well, not really a resort, but they kept calling it that, and when we arrived I could see why. This house was ABSOLUTELY beautiful. It had beautiful crown molding, framed arched and rounded windows- on the inside it was covered with photographs of the family mounted perfectly on the walls. Many of the photos were printed on unconventional surfaces, like ceramic, metal, and stone. The kitchen was large and lovely and opened up to the living room and the entrance dock. But wait, it gets better. You travel through the dining room and reach outside where there are a MILLION day lillies EVERYWHERE. And they were taken care of to the very last depleated bloom. It was fantastic. They must work very hard! If you follow this pathway under an arched trellace gateway, you are led into the WORLDS MOST AMAZING POOL. AND A HOT TUB. Holy crap.

I was really excited. Everyone was really nice and I had a lot of fun. Becky, her friend Kirsten, Kevin, and I were swimming for a good 94% of the time. Anyother time we were eating or watching/setting off fireworks/ruining buckets.

Some of you may or may not know, but the fourth was also the first bench mark of my relationship with Kevin. :]
I'm not really into the whole "lets celebrate our FIRST MONTH" idea, because it seems so silly, but I have to tell you, I'm really... excited.. and really happy. And it was an absolutely perfect day with him (and his family). We fought in the water, he almost drowned me---

*****
Side Note:
Do not breathe in water when you cannot breathe.
It will suck monkey balls.
*****

That was actually very scary! I've never almost drowned before!! I do not reccomend this experience to anyone, haha. Ah well. Everything else was death-free, though! He carried me around in the water a lot, which was extremely cute. I love the fact that everything is virtually weightless in water- what a free feeling! I mean, where else can you lunge yourself at someone and escape injuring them, climb over them without making them fall, or kiss them and taste chlorene? I don't want to hear any of that making out with chemicals BS of an answer, either. ;)

Perhaps my favorite moment of the entire day came at a surprise. We were just sitting there, floating in the water and staring at eachother, and out of nowhere he says "your eyes are really pretty... they're blue, with... a little green..."

I must have died and come back to life about thirty times.
You'd be surprised how easily I fall for little things like that.

Another kodak moment happened when I was standing around talking to Becky and Kirsten, and Kevin comes up and wraps his arm around his shoulder, and they both go: AWWWW.. That was PERFECT. And he starts singing "You're perfect!" And, the Wicked fans know the rest:

"You're perfect!"
"And you're perfect!"
"So we're perfect together! Born to be forever! Dancing through liiife!"

I love it when my life can pretend to be a musical once and a while.
<3

Just wow, guys.
I never thought this would actually happen.
And it's just...
the best. :)

<33
Katrina

PS. Im going to start The Book Theif soon.
PSS. Courtney, we should watch the movie of Where the Red Fern Grows together and cry.

So, Paul is going to be my apothecary for books this summer it seems. First Soylent Green (Make Room! Make Room!), and now Where the Red Fern Grows. I just finished reading this incredibly devastating book:

Oh god. Poor Old Dan. Poor heartbroken Little Ann.
My goodness.
What a terrible, terrible ending.
Why did that Mountain Lion have to come along??

I want to write about it, but I don't know who has read it and who has not, and I don't really have time to write about it because I have work at 3.
Maybe I will update on it later, but oh my god.
This is the saddest ending of a novel I have ever read in my entire life and I am crying and can feel my stomach squishing around inside. I had to put it down several times because I just couldn't handle it. I. Am such. A CHICK.

Love,
Katrina

So, about two days ago I traded books with my manager, Paul. I gave him Perks of Being A Wallflower and he gave me Make Room! Make Room! (also known as Soylent Green). The story revolves around three different characters, a poor Detective, a live-in prostitute, and a homeless boy. Basically what goes down is this boy attempts to steal some shit and ends up becoming a part of the murder of this live in prostitute's sugar daddy. The detective and the prostitute fall in love while trying to uncover the boy. This is all in the year 1999 with a population crisis so huge that 90% of the world is on welfare and has to survive on food rations of crackers (which everyone apparently likes a lot). In the movie, these crackers are made of humans, but that plot twist does not exist in the novel. It's a pretty anticlimatic ending. Anyways, there's a pretty awesome chapter of description about the theif being on LSD. That was fun. One of my favorite paragraphs in this book was:

Never mind, I lost the page number.

Anyways, this wasn't really my type of a book. I'm not into crime novels, and this was definitely a crime novel. Kevin said he would pick me up a copy of Catcher and the Rye, and I'm waiting impatiently for that. Haha.

:)

Well, off to work I go! I hope I don't shrivel up today in this heat.

<3

Katrina
 

Dear Charlie,
Thank you for being such a fantastic fictional friend. You have given me insight into the minds of introverts that I have never seen. Even befriending (and dating) wallflowers has not assisted my "character study," if you will, of this mindset. I have to admit, though, that at times you seem a little too naive to be real. Perhaps that was Stephen's intention when he developed your personality and while it may be a "flaw", there's certainly nothing wrong with it. You're someone who observes people and feels very deeply for the experiences occuring around him. Throughout the novel, I came to love you (however, I did not hide under your porch). I found myself wanting to be there and protect you, but I knew that you would be fine with the help of your own friends in the novel, so I didn't make too much of a fuss. I am so proud of you and everything that you've accomplished, though I do wish you would have stuck to reading your books instead of exploring the world of drugs. I would give my left arm to be the teacher of a student like you one day. It would make my entire career. Thank you for reminding me what is important in choosing a job- it's not about money or about the impressive title or even about doing what you love (though of any of these three choices, this one actually counts as a plausible excuse). It's about making a difference in a field you are good at by having an impact on younger minds. Anyways, Charlie, I don't really know why I wrote this to you. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and that I, too, go through the same things you do sometimes, and see the same things you see. Sometimes I'm the person you're watching, sometimes I'm watching it with you-- thank you for not leaving me alone.
Love,
Katrina

Last Thursday was Graduation Rehearsal, SVSU-meet at MCC, Prom, and Awards Night.
This was one of the busiest days I have ever had. But it was all so worth it. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Morning:
I woke up at 7am and threw on the dress Amber picked out for me at the Thrift Store, high tailing it to LHS for grad practice, where Lyndz and I proceeded to make fun of the whole thing. They made us stand up and sit back down a million times. After that was done, I ran around getting signatures and stood in giant lines for an hour. Then Lyndz and I went out to breakfast. :) I got a waffle and it was delicious. We shared some sausage. Some time in this time, Carrie set out to ruin my graduation. It worked, good for her. But lets not talk about how I cried for several hours on friday because of some mean words.

( Prom Details, read at your own discretion )

That's what I mean when I say "it was a really lovely evening."
At some point during the night, at LHS, my name was called into the auditorium...
awarding me the Lakeview Choral Award. :))
<3
AND MR SUPAL WAS TALKING.
UGH.
:((
I missed it.
Boo.
I LOVE YOU MR. SUPAL.

One of the best nights of my life ever!!!!!!!!
Nuff said.

I feel like everything is moving way too fast. The way it feels when you finally get the courage to rest your head on that special person's shoulder, only to realize that you waited until the last three minutes of the movie to do so. But, in congruency, it feels s l o w like the clock is skipping every other second, just to deprive you of a moment to breathe, like the red light keeping you from clocking into work on time. It feels like the moment before the initial brushing of lips, the fall from the roof, the impact of the crash, the last ten minutes of your last class on your last day of school.

From the moment I stepped foot into Lakeview, it was my aim to become a better person then who I was when I simply stared at the doorway. I was not proud of who I was. Not in the slightest. I was self centered, whiney, cold and distant. I was under the impression that everyone had it out for me, a sort of built in paranoia that I would always describe as a "defense mechanism." When people were cruel to me, I was cruel right back at them. When I didn't want to do something, I wouldn't do it, and would expect things to work out in my favor. I was in a bad state of mind, and I didn't want to be that way anymore. I was unpolished and it didn't help that I was lazy. I set high goals for myself, all written carefully (if not threateningly) in my 8th grade letter to myself explaining what I needed to do to become someone I could be proud of. Some goals I accomplished, others I failed to reach, and scarce few I went over and beyond my wildest dreams. Each year of high school, I learned a new lesson and made a new goal that became an important aspect of my life.


Goal #1: Make Connections
Freshman Year

 Thirty years from now, I probably won’t remember who my graduation speaker is, what assembly the diversity team brought to our school, the phone number to LHS, or the password that logs me into blackboard, but it is my most sincere wish that I will never lose touch with the people I've met here. It is because I set the foundation for this goal in my freshman year that I have learned over the last four years never to hesitate in asking for a classmate’s email address or phone number, a recommendation letter from a teacher, or the name of a school staff member. You never know who will start the networking chain into a scholarship, job, or even love interest.

Goal #2: Become Published
Sophomore Year

  I accomplished this goal much faster than I thought I ever would. In the 8th grade, I was Editor-in-Chief of the Patriot Post. I was a terrible editor. I was lazy, unproductive, unmotivated. In all actuality, I did not deserve the position. I still find myself with titles of things that I feel like I don’t deserve, but have to live up to. One such title is now “published.” By no means am I Stephen King, nor do I have a library of novels in my name, but I am a published writer. It started with Creative Writing, sophomore year with Mrs. Yurenka. This class opened so many doors to me, cracked so many windows of writing, turned on the light of inspiration in so many aspects of my life. After writing boot camp was completed, we were ordered by Sgt. Yurenka to compile our achievements into an anthology. On top of that, it was our job to submit a piece of writing to be published. I submitted a poem to a poetry compilation company and received acceptance into their next collaboration project. Junior year, I joined The Husky Staff as the photography editor under Ms. Bejma. Two of my photographs were published in the Macomb Daily and multiple articles were published in the school’s newspaper. Though this may seem like cheating the system as far as “being published” goes, I am still proud to say that, with the help of my wonderful teachers, I am, indeed, published.

Goal #3: Develop Performance
Junior Year

 The thrill of performance can drown out any negative feelings I harbor within my body- something I have always loved about theatre. It was (and still is) very important to me to develop my ability to perform in order to give back that thrill to others. All throughout high school, I performed in the Lakeview Community Musical, learning from my elders and taking in different aspects of what goes into a production. This became one of the most valuable experiences of my life and influenced my decision to double major in Theatre Education alongside English. My accomplishments in musical theatre make me proud to have such great people and opportunities in my life. I have learned so much thanks to the stage hands, the producers, directors, musicians, and fellow youth actors. My high school career would not have been the same without this extra curricular in my life. Though, I can’t forget to count my performance on the ACT. I am by no means your genius student. I have an incredible inferiority complex when it comes to applying mathematics to real life. With the guidance of Mrs. Culver, I was able to overcome my tremendous fear of basic math equations. Her care and wisdom led me to the most important part of performing: feeling confident in all that you do. It is with her help that I was able to face the ACT with a head held high, consequently awarding me with a higher score every time I retook it, and, in the end, a half ride to Saginaw Valley State University. My Junior year would have been worthless without her and the lessons she taught me.

Goal #4: Improve Writing
Senior Year

 As the days of high school close, I have found that it is no longer possible to write a grammatically correct paper, go off on some semi related tangent, and still earn an A. AP English opened my eyes to how I write and think critically. It is a rude awakening to find that you are incapable of writing an “A” paper despite how hard you try. When I walked into Mr. Burnett’s class, I was frightened to realize that I had no idea what was being asked and even less of an idea as to what was expected of me writing-wise. I was unable to transition my paragraphs and ideas smoothly, the focus of my paragraphs could more appropriately be called the “blur“, and all the years I spent adding fluff and adjectives to my essays only ended up hurting my technical writing skills. I was doomed, but having a hands-off teacher with an open mind and tough grading system helped jump start my independence in writing to a new level. To my surprise, not only was I in need of improvement, I was in desperate search for my own foundation of thought, which until then never even knew I lacked.
 While this might not be the most conventional paper, and though it may not follow the structure given, I think it is important to answer the criteria of the conclusion. You ask me “what could you do over, how and why?” It is at this time when I must reference one of the world’s most amazing musicals: RENT. “There is only yes, there’s only this, forget regret or life is yours to miss- no other road, no other way, no day but today.” I have to listen to these lyrics. They make sense. These words are the foundation of the way I look at life. I can’t regret the choices I have made, I can only learn from my mistakes and make better choices in the future. If there was any one piece of advice I could give to an incoming freshman, it would be that. Just breathe. This isn’t all life has to offer, and you can succeed even with a messy past, but remember that you can fail with a bright past, too. Take my words and listen to them: work hard, but have fun. This is the start of who you are. If you don’t like the person you are now, you can change for the better. “I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow- if we let them… and we help them in return.” (Wicked). I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but so many people have changed me for good. I don’t know where I will be in five or ten years, but my new goal is to make my mentors, my friends, and my family proud of the person I have become and to give back to the world what the world has given me: a chance to be someone who I, too, am proud of.

God speed, class of 2009.
 
 

 

I'm really happy.
I am stressed, overworked, and up to my ears in responsibility-- but I am so happy.

My stomach feels all...
tight.
I haven't felt that way in a while.

Also:
whoot, Junior theatre college classes.
I'm so ballin', check me out.

The last two days, my parents have been fixing up the house. They've been painting the walls neutral colors, rearranging furniture, packing things that we don't use on a daily basis into boxes, and even fixed our broken pourch step.

Because I really am moving out after graduation.

858 Kenny Road
Memphis, Michigan

This is so bizarre.
This is the summer leading into me going to college. I was hoping to spend it with friends, you know? I also kind of have a job here that I need. If I move, I have nothing out there. There aren't many opportunities to make friends between moving out there and moving out to college. There's also no where to get a job. I don't know how many of you have been to Memphis, but it's kind of Hicksville. I'm really rather bummed.

I want to be here.
What about on breaks? When I'm supposed to be home for the holidays in college?
The only home I'll be coming to is my mom and my dad in an unfamiliar house.
When I want to visit friends down here, I have to stay with them...
That feels so imposing and unfair to them.

I guess I'm okay with moving.
I kind of have to be.

But I'm going to miss everyone.
It's really starting to feel like I will never see you guys again.
And I love you so much.
And I don't want to lose you.

Will we stay in touch?
Can I still come and visit?

AHHH.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?


 

I stole this idea from Luisa

Things I Love (and/or) Sound of Music Reference

-Having a hair tie/brush when I need one.
-The smell of scented ammonia in hair dye boxes.
-Children who exchange cookies for friendship.
-Adults who exchange cookies for love.
-Asking obscure (and often inappropriate) questions.
-The release of pressure after sneezing.
-Singing choir songs from three years ago with friends. In harmony. Perfectly. On a bus.
-The exhilerating rush of performing on stage in front of an audience
-Recieving handmade cards, pictures, personalized photos, letters, and posters
-'Stage Door'ing with other groupies of Musicals
-The accomplished feeling of making a grumpy Sasha (or anyone else) smile again
-How even in the shittiest economy, charity still exists
-Songs that tell a story (Bohemian Rhapsody; Story of a Girl; Concrete Angel; Skin; etc)
-When people reference online comics that I, too, read
-Using internet acronymns in real life
-The way chores turn into adventures when you do them with friends
-Feeling flattered when reserved people speak to me
-when thrift stores have exactly what you were looking for marked at less than $5
-TO BE CONTINUED

I have not been this tired and worn out since last year around this time. I forget how sucky my immune system is in the Spring. I don't think I have allergies, unless I've developed them after 3 years of working flower retail and 18 years of living pretty consistently indoors. It's probably stress. Stress makes me physically ill.

I never thought I would regret anything to this degree, but I find myself staring off with a disgusted look on my face thinking about this one thing that I wish I never would have done. What was wrong with me? Why did I let my guard down? Why did I listen to someone like THAT? It's manipulating, apathetic, lazy, insane, mischeivious people like that who make me a misanthropist. I feel so stupid and hurt and terrible. "What's the big deal? It would be fun." "Just LET GO for once. You always over think things." STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

I had a talk with Sasha the other day. I asked her if I would change at all if I was religious. She said I would (of course), which I countered with "how?"
Sasha: well, you would have God in your life!
Me: But would my personality change? My focuses? ...me?
Sasha: you would be happier!
Me: ...what?
Sasha: Yeah. You would be happier... except, maybe not, because you are a naturally happy person. Maybe you would stay happy all the time, but probably not.

THINGS GOING ON TODAY:
Cinco de Mayo!!
School!
Elementary School Visit!
Prom dress shopping with Jofro!
Choir concert!
SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






 

 

I...


no longer have a boyfriend.

Phew.

 

:)

I...

have a boyfriend.

 

What a weird concept!

So...
Haha.
Man, I can't even say it in my livejournal.

I'm so ridiculous. On saturday, I may have possibly made a terrible mistake.
But it might not be.. so.. bad.
I kind of like it.

But at the same time, I'm screaming "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Does anyone relate to this at all? XD


<3
Me

Yay!
Jordan is laying next to me after a long night of impassioned love making.
We just couldn't resist. It felt so forbidden now that I'm an ADULT and she's still jail bait.

We dressed up as whores and went to see a live performance of Rocky Horror Picture Show.
If you've ever heard of this, you know that it is interactive with the audience. When the wedding scene plays, you throw rice, when it rains, you bring your fucking newspaper out or you are going to get soaked, when he proposes a toast, you throw TOAST at the screen. "Great Scott" means TP the hell out of the place. Bring noise makers, birthdays hats, poppers, and stuff.
Not on the list was hooka smoke, normal smoke, more smoke, and people sucking face in front of us--- everywhere!
Throw in a couple ass holes who flick you off and scream things in your face because they memorized all the sassy lines that the original group from the 1980s yelled at the screen and you have quite the experience.
They almost didn't let Jordan in because she didn't have her ID, but Sam an Ashley told the peoples to sing happy birthday to me. :) So, the lady was like: ohmygod sorry, here ya go. and I was like "kkthnxbai."
After the song, the big fatty yelled "FUCK YOUUUU" at me and flicked me off. I cried. Scept not really.

Ross followed us there.
Why is he following me everywhere.
GET HIM OFF.
HE THREW RICE IN JORDANS EYE.
AnD WaS BeInG a CoCk GoBliN
Yeahp.

Anyways, there was lots of drama at the household before hand.
Don''''''''''t really want to talk about that.
Because, I'm in a good mood now, so why waste it?
In any news, I get cake tomorrow, bitches.

And we're going shopping for fabric hoooraaaaaaay.
I have ignored all gramatical rules for this entry.
Mwahaha.
The power of an ADULTLK.
Lol.

Friends don't let friends blog high.
:D

....scept Im not high.
BUT
I COULD BE
BECAUSE
IDK WHAT THAT SMOKE WAS
BUTTT
YEEEEEAH

I DIDNT INHALE.
.....lkajslkdj

<3
Katrina
 

Well.
My birthday sucks.

Happy Adulthood.

My sincere apologies for not making practice on friday. I shot you guys an email a week in advanced explaining that I would be in MSU for a conference with an academic advisor regarding financial aid and graduate school programs, as well as taking a tour with Luisa Scavo (Vlad), Natalie Pellerito (chorus), and Ross Trambauer (stage crew). We also went to see the musical Spring Awakening which we had planned far before the beginning of practices in preparational celebration of my 18th birthday (this coming saturday). I also talked to Mrs. Raymond about missing last friday the tuesday before, and asked Amber and Sasha to remind those in charge of our absence for the day (I heard that this caused a problem?). I hope you can forgive the others and I for missing the practice, I am very sorry that it caused such a terrible inconvenience. I am very commited to this musical, more so than you can imagine, and it really hurts when my first absence is missed and I am reprimanded for it. Please have patience with me, I promise that I am doing the best I can!! <3 :)

 

Every day I just hear more and more things that are going wrong, or I'm not doing right, or am not getting the information for, and it is really causing me an immense amount of stress. Between my choir teacher complaining about the piano not making it back to the choir room, my father being laid off and the possibility of unemployment from Chrystler floating in the air, my grandfather's surgeries and ever decreasing health, school, college, volunteering my time to Relay for Life (the American Cancer Society) and as Mr. Veltri's assistant, and somehow trying to figure out how to pay for everything required for the musical (and prom, and choir, and senior year in general) on my own through savings/work, it's really becoming too much for me to handle. I understand that you all, too, are very, very stressed, but, this is starting to really hurt my feelings and weigh me down. Please, this was just to make you aware of what is going on in my life, and I would appreciate a little leniency, understanding, and help. :) Times are not very easy for the Robinson household right now.

 

I hope this clears some misundersandings up. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
-----------------------


This was the email I planned to send to the musical because I'm so pissed, but I didn't send it to them because I'm scared it will blow up in my face like the costume thing.

So..
Yep.

FUCK YOU LHS MUSICAL.

To Her Insistent Shepard
A response to To His Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell
By: Katrina Robinson! (That's me! :D)

Had we but world enough, and time,
I might believe your words sublime
And may’st convice this lamb’d love me
To let you break my chastity

But speak of distance now no more
Of courting as less a love than chore
You accuse me thus of coyness cruel
And then possessive of my precious jewel

But much like the bitter taste of wine
This treasure sweetens over time
Lovers exist in times much shorter
With sweet, sweet love and not lust’s mortar

For love of myself and love of God
I shan’t embrace this brash façade
Of never finding a man who will
Both love me and wait for our marriage bill

This mindset so timeless, it’s not archaic
You act so confused like it’s algebraic
If obedience to God goes unrewarded in Death
Then what of heaven? What of Seth?

So, please, if I so deserve a timeless state
Do not love me at a lower rate
No need to talk of my bosom or breast
Or speak of my legs as if they are blessed

I’m awkward and young, though matured on the shell
The fruit of these passions are seeds made in Hell
Though lips we do press, and hands we do hold
And the curves of our bodies unite like a mold

Though we break from our kisses and my cheeks are all flushed
Revealing eyes glazed with hope and (dare I say it?) lust
I shan’t let Helios rush me to his gold chariot fast
For this aching rush of urgency isn't bound to last

So I say to you, my Id to my left, and my SE to my right
I’m a real woman, kind Sir, not your Lady of the Night.