I am decorating my dorm room with miniature christmas trees tonight. I will edit and post photos when I am finished! :)

The angels...


they are dancing with demons on raindrops.

And I am suffering the deluge of conflict and friction.


But, as he told me once, this too, shall pass.




Hope Thanksgiving was pleasant for all.

Would ever get back with one of your ex's?
They are "ex"s for a reason.

Will you be in a relationship in two months?
I have a pretty good feeling. :)

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
Today~! <3

What were you doing at 11 this morning?
Rolling around on Stacey's bed, which is bunked above Emma's, moaning about some nonsense and trying not to fall off the edge.

Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have?
If you are jealous of me, something is terribly wrong with you.

When was the last time you saw your ex bf/gf?
Months and months and months and months ago.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Officially the Alex Jones job.

Will this weekend be a good one?
I hope so! It's a long weekend for Thanksgiving! <3

Do you believe that you could be/are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
I hope so. I've been told by several people that I'm "girlfriend" set on "easy-mode."

If you're extremely quiet, what does that mean?
I am overthinking something or considering something I don't usually do, or feeling embarrassed, but not embarrassed enough to do anything about it.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Even with all of the bad things that have happened recently, I am so, so thankful for the way my life is right now. I would never go back. I have a beautiful college, truly amazing friends, a family, a boyfriend who loves me, and a hungry mind. <3

Do you think a lot before sleeping?
I usually get really insecure before I sleep.

Are you happier now or five months ago?
I was probably a happier person five months ago, but I am a much more thankful person today.

What was the last thing you burnt yourself on?
....Not this story again!!!!!!!

Have you ever fallen asleep in somebody elses arms?
Yes!! <3 <3 <3

When's the last time you wanted to punch somebody?
Um, lol, when Dan came knocking at my door in the middle of my nap after I specifically told him NOT to come over.

How long have you been with the person your with?
6 months in 12 days. :]

Who was the last person you argued with?
My Uncle Dave.

Be one hundred percent honest, do you care what people say about you?
Unfortunately, absolutely I do.

Are you ticklish?
When threatened to be tickled, I curl into my ball of defense and try to shut off all of my tickle nerves!!! It doesn't work for very long. :(

What are you excited for?
Straight no Chaser, maybepleasepleasepleaseohmygod.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who really, really wanted to go to Florida to perform in a Musical Theatre Selections concert with 6 other selected collegues from her department.

She decided to spend the next two months preparing her duet number and ballad for auditions in December.

Wish her luck.

DREAM.

You know that guy from SAW? Well, he had me held captive with various people (such as: Kevin, Courtney, Jordan, Lyndsey, Emma, etc). We had to do good things and some activities in order to stay alive. One of these activities was to join in on a swimming competition. Dan was at this part, so was Matthew. So, we dive into the water, and Dan and Matt are both in the lead, and I start to go a little faster when Lyndsey zips by me super fast. The next round comes up and I push myself the hardest, and it's to no avail. I'm cut out of the race. But after all the rejects are picked, something bad happens. Lyndsey disappears, and her mother is there crying, and trying to beat the shit out of me. We investigate what happened, searching all around the pool area, down corridors, etc. This building was huge!! Jordan eventually finds her in a chest of some kind, and she starts immediately talking to her about something, and I run to hug her, but she pushes me down and walks away. Yeah. So, Jordan, Courtney, Kevin, Emma, (and at this point, Luisa appears --YAY--) and I all go into this one room, with that creepy guy from Saw still following us. This room is full of comfy foam things, like from ALL WORLD. We crawl over this and exit through another door. Suddenly we are free because of... uh... I don't know. Because of the power of LOVE. Sure. Anyhoo. At the end is Carrie! And Emily and Alanna and Alyssa, and Elizabeth and Amber! They all reach out to Luisa and engulf her in a hug. I later found this symbolic of her becoming a choir girl. The rest of us join the hug and then everyone disappears but me, Courtney, and Kevin. We are walking down a hallway, it's dimly lit. We were free to leave, but our curiousity (probably just *my* curiousity and their willingness to come along) lead us to stay. We all held hands and watched things happening through the glass walls. Then we found Matt, who had tangled himself up in a volley ball net. Very Matt-like to do. So Courtney runs to free him, and I turn to Kevin, and we laugh, and then everything turned into nothing. Literally nothing. Just me and him and a big whiteness, like when Gohan goes into that training pod thing to turn into a super saiyan.... and the I woke up.

bkglessthanthree 11:39 pm
so yeah. What I have determined from life hence far is that money is stupid
bkglessthanthree 11:40 pm
which is a very valuable lesson, methinks
Kevin 11:45 pm
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this, at a distance of roughly ninety million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet, whose ape descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. This planet has, or had, a problem, which was this. Most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small, green pieces of paper, which is odd, because on the whole, it wasn't the small, green pieces of paper which were unhappy. And so the problem remained, and lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake coming down from the trees in the first place, and some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no-one should ever have left the oceans. And then one day, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl, sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realised what it was that had been going wrong all this time and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no-one would have to get nalied to anything. Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone, the Earth was unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass and so the idea was lost forever.

Our marriage was like eating chocolate cake for dinner every night. For a while, if you’re into chocolate and all, it’s like, ”Hey, this is pretty neat. I can dig it.” But after twenty five years, when you’re morbidly obese and all your teeth have rotted out so you can’t talk right and the neighbors all think you’re retarded, you start to regret it.

And then one dark and stormy night Chocolate Cake says, “I can’t live like this anymore. We cannot be together. I still love him!”

And so obviously, you’re upset. Maybe if she still touched you like she used to, back when you were the other man, you would still be thin. When you bring it up, Chocolate cake wants to know how you found out about her and Michael.

Chocolate cake seems embarrassed about it at first, but reluctantly goes on to tell you she’s been doing some eating out herself for a few hours after work. For the last four years. She tells you that she cannot be satisfied by the same piece of cake all her life—a woman need variety, she say.  She admits that Michael was always an avid chocolate lover, and that she missed the taste of him. You can tell they’re a perfect match by the admiring tone in her voice, even through your hysteria. I, too, was a perfect match for chocolate cake, once.

And then you notice the four suitcases sitting out in the hallway, and it hits you how quiet it is in the house. She says she just stayed to explain things to you, and that she was waiting for his call to pick her up. You plead with chocolate cake.

 

It’s cell phone plays A Moment Like This from its pocket, and when that cake turns around to answer it with a small smile playing on its lips, you don’t even realize you just took a rather familiar looking golf club from her past marriage to the back of its moist, meaty head.

Romantic chemistry can be instant OR evolving. I completely and totally believe in the idea of people "learning" to love eachother. Though I would be decieving you if I said that is the only case. Romantic chemistry is so much deeper than physical attraction--like friendship, only there is something special that keeps you exceptionally interested. Perhaps they're the funniest or smartest person you know... it all depends on what you're looking for at the time of the encounter. Sometimes interests change, and that's why relationships don't work out.

As for regretting things--that's a difficult one to answer. I believe in the good old RENT philosophy of forgetting regret, but honestly, sometimes I want to kick myself for being so niave. It's complicated, like most things are. You're always facing a coin toss when you give people chances-- it can turn out to be a bad thing and hurt you a lot... or all the pain and bother could be worth it in the end. You have to figure out what is important to you and play it from there. Will the problem change or go away? If it doesn't, will you be able to put up with it? etc.

In other news, dad's heart surgery went well. However, he's smoking and eating unhealthy already. I yelled at him and he yelled back. Just like good old times, except this time I am pretty sure I can beat him up successfully. Finances aren't looking too hot right now. Mom has me on a scare that I won't be able to afford college, which is totally freaking me out. Going to discuss having my Aunt cosign my federal student loans just in case. Looking into job opportunities in good old Sagnasty up here. Cross your fingers, guys. This has been a really, really rough year, and I really don't want to work two jobs AND attend school in the summer.

---I'm not a superstitious person, but I feel a little cursed. I know this is just how things work out sometimes, but still..... all of this at once. Do you believe in bad luck/curses?

:) Miss you guys! <3

I cannot remember the last time I cried so hard that my lungs hurt. I am home this weekend supporting my father in the hospital. He is getting a triple bipass surgery. I am really scared. He is really scared. Everyone is scared. This is the surgery that led to the death of my grandfather.

So far everything is fine, but you never know when things will go wrong...


...especially in my life.

I am so stressed out. I want it to STOP.
Uhggg. :'(

I have straight As! Hooray! This is very exciting for me, as I was struggling with classes in the beginning. Just recently I had midterm exams in English and Bio Lab, and recieved As on both of them. My composition teacher is submitting my essay to faculty. I am not sure what that means, but it sounds like a good thing! Also, today is the national day of writing. I was thinking of reading a piece tonight at the open mic. If it is good enough, I could win A HUNDRED DOLLARS. :)

So far college is very much an adventure. I have been trying to do as much as I can, though I am also finding drama, too. This is what happens when you go into theatre, hahaa. So far I am involved in Through Line Theatre Ensemble, Work in Progress, Cardinal Radio, and Rockappellas.

Through Line is a small theatre group that gets together and does staged readings/sing throughs of plays/musicals, just because it's fun. These meetings are on tuesdays at 10pm. Work in Progress is an improv group. This is my favorite activity. Meetings are every thursday at 10pm. Just last weekend we did this thing called 24 hour theatre, where we were locked in the black box auditorium from 8pm friday until 8pm saturday. We were NOT allowed to sleep. I was so very tired. Anyway, at 8pm, Ric Roberts, a theatre faculty member, gave us an envelope that said the title he thought up and some rules. With the title, we had to write, direct, cast, do lighting and scenery for, and perform the play based off this title all within the time frame!! The title was "A Facebook Nation." It ended up being really funny. I did a lot of projection scenery type things for it, and wrote one of the last scenes. The overall synopsis of the play was "The History of Facebook." To give you an idea, the opening lines was somewhere along the lines of "First... there was God. Then God created the computer. And he was very lonely and wanted friends, so He created facebook." Hahaha! Too funny. I made a lot of new friends there. :) Also, to adivertise for the show, a bunch of people dressed in all black and tumbled around campus acting like spies until they reached the spirit rock, then we all painted it with information regarding the show times. It was a full house!! :)

An action shot of Mission Paint the Rock: http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs241.snc1/8831_179376647585_560492585_3910959_1425892_n.jpg

Now for information about Musical Theatre- we only meet once a week, but it's strenuous on my body because it is nonstop movement for three hours. I am not in the best of shape, though I have been going to the gym 3-4 times a week for some feel-good energy. I am extremely uncoordinated, so learning the moves can be hard for me, but I usually get them down before some other people, so I dont feel too bad about myself. :) 

There is a christmas ornament at English Garden's that says "Life is a song." I want ittt!!! I love our christmas ornaments!

Some of you have been asking if I will be doing Relay for Life again this year. I have been heehawing as to whether I want to start my own team up here, but I certainly want to be a part of the program. It is my favorite fundraising event. Though it wont be started for a few months from now.

I have been thinking about studying abroad either this summer or next year. I really want to visit Cairo, Egypt in my lifetime, but this Australia might be a better suit for my career pathway. I know I am definitely studying over the summer. I think I want to take my math course at Macomb Community College... math is too hard up here! Lol!

Anyway, I think I'll go bug Kevin. I am currently sitting in his dorm room and he is listening to the Harry Potter musical like, right in front of me. Hahaha. Tata!

<3
Katrina

I think bad things will stop happening once I start controlling my life in a healthy way. Therefore, I am changing my mindset and focusing on the things that matter and ignoring the trivial things-- because, hey! They are not within my power. Things will start looking up from now on.

Things that matter:
SCHOOL, first! Always. I am thinking 3.75-4.0 gpa is achievable this semester, and it might be my only chance to get it that high, so I'm going to try and reach it! If I don't... no biggie, but still! How amazing would that be!!
LOVE
FRIENDS
FAMILY
annnnnnnnd you know, basic implements of life like food, water, shelter... Haha.

Anyway, time to go to English. And eat! I am hungry.

See ya!

<3

Katrina

Note: I sent this in the mail to Kevin this weekend. I don't know if he got it yet or not, so just in case--- LJ cut!
---( And I know you lurke on my LJ. Wait until you get the hard copy, sir! <3 )

So, I have been having some pretty bad luck lately.

I failed my first history exam, my grandfather passed away, my English class constantly gives me the most retarded busy work ever, and there was a whole week that I had to go without milk. I am so deprived of milk. I have some now, but regardless!

I got to see Kevin this weekend. For future reference, a trip to and from state is about a twenty five to thirty dollar drive. I picked Kevin up from MSU with some friends of mine here at school and took him back to Saginaw for some funtime merriment. This was mostly had, except for the twenty five dollar parking ticket outside the dairy store and the burning of my fingers in the middle of the night from a scalding hot iron. We had a beautiful homemade dinner that everyone contributed to. Dan brought zuchinni and sour cream, Steve brought ground beef and some gold fish for an experiment (aesthetic, not culinary), Cameron and I made cookie dough-pudding pie, tomatoe salad and cornbread, and the master chef, Emma, made stuffed peppers with fresh, home grown veggies and rice and everything. It was delicious.

Anyways, so, you'd think with a meal like that, nothing could go wrong, right?
Well, after we dropped Kevin back off at MSU sunday afternoon, Emma and I began studying. Only hours after we arrived back, I kid you not, six girls barged into my room and started stealing mine and my roommates stuff. "Where Eboni at?" "Mm, girl she has some nice games. Oh, let's take these dvds since that bitch broke yours." "This lamp will look good in my room, since it's green, yeahh."  They were like, filling their arms and slamming drawers and looking for jewelry and anything expensive. While I was sitting there. They were doing this while I was in the room. Studying. Looking at them. It was so retarded. Basically they got away with some text books, some lysol, and some graduation paraphenilia from Eboni's school. I chased them down the hallway and stopped the elevator from descending and they pushed past me and ran down the stairs. I knocked on my RAs door and was like: Grant.. GRANT. And he opened the door and mockingly said "Grant, Grant!!" Hahahaaa. "What did someone steal something?" "UM ACTUALLY." "Haha... wait, REALLY?"

So, basically my night was spent identifying people and watching surveliance cameras and stuff. We sent all six girls to jail. Jesus.

Anyways, so that's the exciting news. This post has been sitting on my computer waiting to be published for a while, so I think Im just going to go ahead and hit submit.

Love and stuff,
Katrina

I love my musical theatre class. We have run through about four songs already. We learn a new song just about every class! The songs we are doing right now are "Come to the Cabaret" and "Money", from Cabaret and "Goodbye" from the Producers. We learn the choreography in the same class, too. It is really intense. I have been dying for a class like this for years now! It is so much fun. Basically: SHOW CHOIIIIRR. It is great.

Tonight I have stolen my boyfriend and gagged and put him in my wardrobe. I am going to wait and see how long it take authorities to find him.

I have not watched the second episode of Glee yet so SHUT UP ALL OF YOU. :((( <3

Update on friends:

I mainly hang out with Emma, Steve, and Dan. We're kind of a group. Eboni and I are getting along fine. We are expecting a new roommate... eventually. When I'm not with the main group, I am hanging with Justine doing poetry or in the theatre department with random cool peeps. I have also been coloring a lot. What I haven't been doing is my reading--- OOPS. Haha.

You should all get skype and add me.
Katrina.Alexis

Do eet.

There is a lot more I could talk about, but I am tired and don't really feel like typing anymore. I shall update again eventually. :)

(I miss my high school seniors. <3)

<3
Katrina

I can't tell if I enjoy being with him more or being apart and getting cute text messages more.

Tonight, I won third place in a poetry slam. This was a pretty awesome thing, haha. Wow! The prize money will pay for my day at REN FEST tomorrow. Very excited about that.

I'm tired, so I'm not going to update on much, but the jist of it is: I'm glad to be back home. As much as I love everyone, Saginaw is where my heart is, I think. I love my campus so much. <3

Cheers!

-Katrina

You know how I can usually tell myself not to be upset and then... poof. Minutes later I am better?


It isn't working.
Help. Please.
I don't know how, but it hurts and I can't fix it.
Damn, no, I can't ask you to do the impossible.
If you see me, hug me. Kiss me on the forehead.

Fuck. I'm so mortal.

Grandpa is dead.

This will not turn into an emotional debate with myself.
I feel shattered. I'm tired of this feeling. I'm tired in general.
I've lost so much iron.. so much sleep.
Running everywhere.
And you know what? I'm still going to gain the freshman fifteen because my body SUCKS.

Enough of this day. I'm eating icecream and am playing with dressup online dolls. [hug]
End entry.

The only goodbyes I'm writing are to the people who read my livejournal. Eat up your specialness.

Alex: I am going to miss you so much. I know we'll still talk a lot and now we can text, but I'm just going to miss you. I won't be able to see you read poetry, or run to you for hugs when things are way over my head. Your hugs are the best after all, but it's not pressure or arm length or because of anything physical- it's because when you hug me, I know you care about me. Even though I'm not ten minutes away anymore, I want you to know I'll still always be there for you.

Courtney: it's been great getting to know you better this summer. I'm glad we could spend so much time together over the last month or so, and I'm glad it led to your happy relationship! I wish you the best luck, and please see Alex at Cliffbells for me. Also, take care of Lyndz. Have fun, and keep me updated. You better stay in touch and update your livejournal, missy.

Luisa: I expect you to document your life according to special happenstances so I can see how amazing your senior year is. Remember to sing loud in Select! You have a beautiful voice, so let it be heard. LEAD your section. Think you'll still be a first soprano? Good luck with research and quizbowl and if you ever need anything, you let me know, okay? I love you very much.

Jordan: If you don't visit me, I will be very sad. Yes, I'm guilt tripping you one last time before I leave. Want to know a secret? You are the only person I cried about leaving. I cried. And thinking about leaving you tomorrow makes my eyes well up in tears, and I'm such a fucking pansy. You are my best friend. I don't think I've ever had a best friend that has ever been so amazing. I love you, and I'll miss you. Very, very, very much.

Abbey: we never went swinging. Fuck, we suck. It was fun seeing you a few times though. :) <3

Kevin: We'll make it, I swear. See you Labor Day Weekend. <3 I love you. :)

---------
Yes, that's all of the people who read my livejournal. (I think!) I am not popular on here... but I'm okay with it. :)

I am supposed to be getting up at 8am to go work a festival with Alex Jones, Matthew Lake, Courtney Love, and Kevin (James) Liening (the second), so what better time than 1am the morning of to update my live journal?

I leave for college in five days. That's right, you can count down with me on one hand now. What a scary, exciting thought. I have to finish cleaning my room, but I'd rather spend time with people...

So, most of you already know this, but I surprised Kevin the other day. You are all welcomed, of course, to use this idea for your own significant other. It was a lot of fun. What I did, I took a bunch of balloons and filled them with jelly beans, mike and ikes, m&ms, skittles-- any candy small enough to fit through the neck of a balloon. Then I wrote a series of little notes with inside jokes, sayings, and general cuteness. I enlisted his little sister's help for the set up, and we blew up more balloons ("duds" if you will, to make the room look fuller) and covered the room in streamers. We even managed to fit a toy dinosaur in a really amazing balloon. That was quite the challenge. His mother loved this idea, and Becky got a kick out of it, too. I think the first thing Mrs. Liening said when I walked in the door with two garbage bags of balloons was "WHERE did he FIND YOU?" After we were done decorating the basement, I called good ole Brian Verkinderen (why do you call him BK, Courtney?) to send Kevin back home (who was busy being distracted by a pool party). In a panicked rush, he gets home thinking his sister is dead or has fallen ill in some crazy travesty (what a good big brother!) only to find... well, a basement full of balloons. I hope the heart attack was worth it.

Inside one of the balloons was a poem. I don't necessarily want to post it, but I don't want to lose it, either, and the internet is more permanent than my hard drive, especially when this laptop overheats and can give my thighs third degree burns. This is the poem, if you want to be nosey:

( Really bad cheese )
( There was also a mix cd.... )

I am so happy.
<3
Because, I love him.
And I can't tell you how odd it was for me to say that out loud. I never have before. Is that how it's supposed to feel? Like you're sucking in a tube of toothpaste and alkaseltzer while simultaneously trying to hum? I swear my stomach vibrated in circles. And it felt... right. Like, way to go Katrina, you're getting there, cynic girl! Who's a misanthropist now, bitch? I like this way more. :)

Oh.
And I have a cell phone.
Finally!
So go on facebook and find my cell phone number and text me.
I have unlimited texting.
Just... be patient with me.

Anyways...
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

It has come to my realization that I am far more addicted to affection and attention than I originally thought I was; I feel like I am at my best when I'm with other people. I believe this foreshadows just how much I am going to love college.

I can't believe I'm actually going. I never thought I'd make it this far.
All my life, all I was expected to do was to graduate and go to Macomb Community College. Of course, my mother had faith that I'd eventually become a teacher. Dad always thought I'd be a stay at home mom who wrote stories and poetry for fun. They certainly stressed the importance of college, but I don't think for one minute they expected me to go under scholarships. They always thought Stephen would be the one to get the good grades, the scholarships, the awards. Stephen was the smart one; he ran on sunflower seeds and an itch for science- not to mention ability in math. But it was me who graduated with high honors. How did that happen? I didn't think this would happen. I was so sure I was going to be the failure; hell, sometimes I was ENCOURAGED to fail. I am so glad I did not. I am so looking forward to proving that even the blondes who can't control how many times they say "whatever" in a sentence can succeed.

I also sort of expected to die in a tragic car accident before I moved into my dorms in college. This whole idea of finally getting out of the house is so surreal. I've put up with so much stuff all these years, and I am so grateful to get out. I will probably miss some things, but it's time to get out. I have a lot to thank for pulling me through some really hard times. Most of them are people, but there was this one song... and a whole musical....

Summer has been excellent. I am happy with a lot of it. I worked really hard and saved a good sum of money. I've been enjoying it so much more since I quit, though. Almost every day I've done something with someone and made memories. I've gotten closer with people, and while I lost a few friends due to separation, it's true what I've said before, "it's just what happens sometimes."

But you know, it doesn't always have to.
And I will keep my clutch on a few of you for as long as I can.
I hope you'll hold on, too.

In important news:
I got my debit card in the mail today.
SVSU starts in 11 days.
My jeep has its first battle scar.
I completed most of my summer goals.
I am 80% packed for college.
Bitches ain't shit.
I've started writing again.
I like to read again.
I can stay awake during movies... sometimes...
Cell phone soon to come...
And.. a scary doctors appointment awaits me on monday.

Wish me luck, guys.
I love you. Very much.

One of my fedoras
The pictures on my wall
A key to nowhere, just to mess with myself
A list of important people in my life and their contact information
My cat's collar
My dog's collar
Choir award
Anthology
A mix cd of my favorite songs
A letter to myself