I have not been this tired and worn out since last year around this time. I forget how sucky my immune system is in the Spring. I don't think I have allergies, unless I've developed them after 3 years of working flower retail and 18 years of living pretty consistently indoors. It's probably stress. Stress makes me physically ill.

I never thought I would regret anything to this degree, but I find myself staring off with a disgusted look on my face thinking about this one thing that I wish I never would have done. What was wrong with me? Why did I let my guard down? Why did I listen to someone like THAT? It's manipulating, apathetic, lazy, insane, mischeivious people like that who make me a misanthropist. I feel so stupid and hurt and terrible. "What's the big deal? It would be fun." "Just LET GO for once. You always over think things." STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

I had a talk with Sasha the other day. I asked her if I would change at all if I was religious. She said I would (of course), which I countered with "how?"
Sasha: well, you would have God in your life!
Me: But would my personality change? My focuses? ...me?
Sasha: you would be happier!
Me: ...what?
Sasha: Yeah. You would be happier... except, maybe not, because you are a naturally happy person. Maybe you would stay happy all the time, but probably not.

THINGS GOING ON TODAY:
Cinco de Mayo!!
School!
Elementary School Visit!
Prom dress shopping with Jofro!
Choir concert!
SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!